If I didn’t have dance I would feel empty, less sore but empty none the less.
Nothing really comes easy to me, the way I learn makes it really difficult. I’m a visual learner, I need repetition, and hands on interaction. I need everything to be broken down. School does not come easy to me, it’s hard for me to understand things that I read unless I talk to someone about it and create visuals, talking to people can be hard for me unless I imagine what they are saying in my head. Even dance is hard for me.
It took me a long time to get on beat, it took my friend/crewmate showing me the beat with his hands to understand it. You can tell me something 1,000 times but I will not understand unless you SHOW me. This is why I have a hard time with workshops, a lot of the times I can not see because I’m short/in the back, or they do not take time to break it down, sometimes I just stop and give up. My goal lately has been to not give up and stick with it whether I get it or not. It is definitely such an uncomfortable feeling, but I try to remember that for when I teach. At practices you may not see me do much, or I may be doing something almost the whole entire time. I get really frustrated with myself because sometimes something so easy is so hard for me. People think it comes easy for me, people think I just get things and opportunities, but I’ve worked my ass off behind the scenes. I know I have a long way to go but that doesn’t mean I haven’t put in time. I don’t have a mentor or anything so I’m just going by trial and error and whoever stops to help me I am grateful. I’m struggling mentally and physically, but I keep reminding myself about how bad I want this. “This” being to be the best that I can be, to always put my heart in it, and to always try my best. I don’t want to let myself down. I’m never satisfied with how I’m doing, I need to learn where to draw the line because too much negativity on myself is not good for the soul.
When I was younger I used to want to be a choreographer, even though I would lie and say I wanted to be a lawyer, but we didn’t haven enough money for me to take dance classes. I’m finally taking dance classes here during my last year of college. I mean I’ve taken workshops, but to take an actual class and keep progressing is different. I’m very happy. My hip hop class is going to be phenomenal, and I’m about to head to my modern dance class in a few.. I’M NERVOUS!